I’m approaching 28 in a few weeks. It seems old but not like exceptionally old. Like no big, just another birthday.
Pretty much all the girls I grew up with are mom’s, even the unmarried ones. Pretty much, not all, and ya know what? I’m happy for them. I still think it seems like an amazing journey but I’m really happy with my choice. It wouldn’t be a bad thing, if I got pregnant. I’d keep it or at least under most situations I would. Not because I’m anti-choice or any of that nonsense, in fact I strongly believe abortions save lives, but I just like to say yes to experiences.
Honestly though I would rather adopt. As I’ve written before, I’ve wanted to adopt since I saw Annie at age five. It’s just something I feel strongly about for so many reasons. I’ve had a couple of old friends go through a lot to get pregnant and although I’m happy if their happy I also can’t help but feel it’s a little sad. It’s so much time and money just for an ego boost and if I’m being honest, it’s kind of a slap in the face to those kids waiting and praying for a home.
Plus as I get older it just seems like something I’m not ready for. I do my stuff and I love my dogs, and it isn’t like I’m overly forfilled or anything but I don’t feel the need. I think of Jennifer Aniston’s quote about not wanting to have a kid until there is nothing I want more, and I’m not there yet.
I have grown so much since starting this blog and I’m truly greatful for that. Not many people enjoy high school and I can’t say that it was a great time for me. Not at all, high school in a wheelchair on hella meds, not great. I don’t regret it at all, it taught me a lot. And then college taught me a lot too, all six and a half years of it…but nothing taught me as much as my marriage and my dogs.
Another part of my aging has been learning to take care of myself. Don’t get me wrong, growing up disabled my day to day life consisted of me working on myself and figuring out how to cope. I practically lived at the Fitness 19, the owner Steel gave me a free membership as charity and I used it almost every day. Honestly though that was more of an escape thing than a working on myself thing. I wanted nothing more than to be normal, alas that was out of the question.
I tried to do everything just like everyone else and in the long run that probably hurt me but really who’s to say. Just as one example, once I was out of my wheelchair I was supposed to wear these leg braces called AFOs but I hated them. They were painful but mostly they looked super nerdy. Lately I’ve been watching this show, AP Bio, and the main character moved into his diseased mother’s house. He never has the heart, or if we’re being real the money, to replace her things so he just starts using them as his own. One of the things he uses a lot is her shower chair, and it’s so funny to me watching it because I HATED my shower chair. I pretty much refused to use it once I was able to stand, but looking back I don’t know why I was so stubborn.
I also never got regular old teeth braces to fix my overbite. The dentist recommended it when I was a teenager but I begged my parents not to make me. I just thought of it as another thing to make me stand out and I really didn’t want anything else like that.
Plus in addition to that I’ve always grinded my teeth. I never really knew it was a big problem until getting married and sleeping next to someone every night. Recently my husband had had enough and ordered me a mouth guard. I was skeptical at first but man have I grown to love the thing! It took some getting use to sleeping with a mouth full of rubber, it made my jaw kinda sore at first, but now it’s just comfortable. I sleep much sounder and it’s hilarious when the dogs see me with it. They get pretty confused and even more so when I attempt to talk to them with it in. It’s also had one very nice and completely unexpected side effect, my overbite has vanished!
I’m pretty happy about it now but it makes me wonder what other self improvement I missed out on due to embarrasment. I’m not done learning or growing yet, I have so much more to work on! And I intend to. This year I made the decision to set goals privately, work hard and not talk about it. So far so good. Hopefully it will continue to look up but all I can do is my best. And that best doesn’t depend on grades, or income, or the opinions of anyone (besides my dogs). It only depends on me doing my best to better society.