Take Your Time

Just like anything else adding Ed and Eddy into my family has been an adjustment which is taking time to get use to. I think I’m just about there but sometimes still I forget for a split second that I have them and that they are now my responsibility for years to come. It’s great though because just as I’ll be getting wrapped up in my head one of them will jump at me (okay it’s Ed like 90% of the time) and bring me back to a place of tranquility.

I’ll stop worrying about politics, the economy, or even just humanity in general and bring it back to what’s around me. The things in my immediate control.
Because the thing is, YES there are problems and YES there are many small ways I could probably better help contribute to the solution BUT I alone cannot fix the world.
This is most definitely a traumatic thing to learn. It came to me, I admit, a bit late in the game, the realization that nothing I do will or even can make THE difference.

This had me panicking. ‘They’ told me I could be anything and do anything I wanted, I could change the world, I could help people going through the same struggles as me to reach their full potential.
But then what have I done?
Nothing.
Nothing big.
Nothing to be remembered by.

But then again it occurs to me that sure I’m not going into any school textbooks. Sure history will not be marked by my name but maybe that’s okay.
Not to sound defeatist but there are a lot of people in this world and not everyone can leave a worldwide legacy. Not everybody should and that is quite alright. It doesn’t mean my life has all been for nothing because I can still be remembered by all whom I love.
I can give to my dogs and the people around me, I can be remembered by my family, and maybe I won’t fix the lives of all woman thrown into disability but maybe I can inspire just one.
In small ways.
The same way I have been inspired by several different woman out there to live my life,
to take my time and love my life.

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