Bleach Kills Puppies

Okay calm down, Ed and Eddy are perfectly fine. I deep cleaned the master bathroom yesterday morning and I had to close them out because they were all too curious. I told them several times in my sweetest puppy voice that bleach kills puppies but they didn’t seem to get it. So I breathed in all the dizzying fumes myself. Cleaning house was a pain in the butt but I had already decided that the hard work now would pay off later.

This morning when I pulled the blankets off and opened the window shutters the sun tumbled in with a cool autumn breeze. As I walked confidently towards the bedroom door I found a nice new mess that the boys had left for me. Not wanting to ruin Eric’s sleep I said nothing, but I scowled at them both. They just wagged their tails knowing what they’d done.

Getting off my hands and knees I took them to the kitchen where I again sat on the floor but this time in the butterfly position to welcome Ed and Eddy in. As they jumped and barked all over I wrangled them down and harnessed them up. Out we went for a brisk morning walk like always.

Upon getting back home I was stunned. My home which I had worked so hard to clean the day before was a complete mess, just like in the bedroom earlier. When you open your home though this is bound to happen.
I didn’t want to deal with it. I headed onto the deck to just forget it all. I told myself that I’ve always been a hippy, deep in my core and this morning I had finally had it with all the haters telling me how to fix all the natural chaos.

When we got on the tiny deck though Ed and Eddy started jumping all about again, you know like puppies do. Kicking up all the debris and reveling in it, just two days ago I had scrubbed the fuckers down so well but they didn’t care. I knew I needed to sit on the ground with them so they could get those wiggles out, but for all the cleaning I’d done I had never even thought about the deck. It was so dusty.

So I grabbed the broom and cleaned it all up. A large part of this cleaning was brushing all the dust and cob webs and dead leaves down bellow, into my neighbors yard. Then I sat down in the cool breeze and warm light, puppies finally settled by my side. As I gazed up into the bustling trees I saw a huge and brilliant spider web, I watched the brown nasty looking spider clean up his mess and I smiled. I could hear all the happy shouting, dogs barking, and babies crying coming from all my neighbors open windows and it occurred to me that everyone here is just as scattered as everyone else. That’s why we clean.

A cleaner is just as much an artist as the painters and musicians. We clean to harness the beauty of our own world, as pointless as it ultimately is. So again I got up and opened the door as my dogs rushed inside. I lit an incense and made sure all the windows were open as I started a pot of coffee. Here we go again.


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