Demisexual

It’s a weird word, the only type of Demi I’d heard of before was a demi-pleay. You know, like ballet. I feel weird finding this out at the ripe old age of 25, most people seem to discover this stuff in college I guess or younger guess. I feel weird because I’ve always considered sexual orientation confusing if it wasn’t gay, straight, or bi. Especially with this new discovery I’m not so sure. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they share an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population.

Back in college the LQBTQIA foundation was really big. Lots of clubs and information seminars. I didn’t really participate because I didn’t feel like I belonged there but nonetheless many people that I know have come out in one way or another.

Now I’ve known from a very young age that I don’t have the same feelings regarding my sexuality as my friends and peers do about theirs. As a grade schooler my BFF was always “crushing” over guys, always talking about “hotties” and “cuties”, and she was my friend so I joined in but I never REALLY got it. Sure, I’ve had crushes and I’ve idolized heart throbs but having a “crush” or feelings for another person has always been a very emotional thing for me. I’ve never really cared about looks or “hotness” and I’ve never really understood the hype. I like a guy who treats me like a princess, I like a guy who I can talk to about weird shit but I never really got why girls would sexualize male celebrities, put there posters on the walls and stuff. Sex I didn’t have a problem with, I understood why that was nice. I had figured out masturbation by kindergarten even and the idea of someone else pleasuring me never seemed radical but it also never seemed exceptional.

When I got older I entertained the idea that I was bi. It kind of made sense for me on a logical level because why should somebody’s gender matter really…but it did not entirely fit. I wasn’t so much attracted to woman as I was no more attracted to men than to woman. I was pretty sure I wasn’t asexual as I did certainly understand the lure of sex. Although I’ve never truly been attracted to other woman I do have a much easier time pointing out sexually appealing qualities in woman, I think because I can better relate to them. I was always ashamed to feel this way though and when inevitably asked who I “liked” I’d always have a popular male answer. I just thought it was what I had to do to fit in.

This is not to say that I’ve never had feeling for someone, of course I have but for me sex doesn’t necessarily have anything whatsoever to do with love. I love my fiance as a person and I love our physical chemistry, but I don’t need the sex to feel our love. I just need him and there is nothing wrong with that. I’m interested in his life more than his body and that’s just the way it is, not that his body isn’t great. I don’t need sex in order to enjoy any relationship the way I know that other people do, I like it but I can do without it. For years I’ve been hearing people talk about how important sex is, for years I’ve been hearing friends talk about what makes good sex good, and for years I have felt uncomfortable because I just don’t get it. I’m not hating on anyone. I’m totally okay with whatever you are into. It feels great to admit though. I have wondered before, is there something wrong with me? Am I just really bad at sex? Is there something I can do?
I have had two friends who have sort of come out of the closet to me and I’m pretty sure my blosse reaction offended them both but that honestly wasn’t my intention. I feel bad because tonight when I first read the definition of demisexual I was awestruck, the way they must have been when they first figured it out too. It’s okay to be different.

Every person is unique. We’re all individuals, that is true, but finding out for the first time that you are not actually demented is still an incredible feeling.

Demisexual is not a term I have ever heard before. Transsexual is when a person identifies themselves with a physical sex that is different to their own biological one, homosexual is the sexual attraction between members of the same sexes, bisexual is the sexual attraction to both the opposite and same sexes, pansexual is the sexual attraction towards people regardless of gender, asexual is someone who is completely without sexual attraction and of course heterosexual is what they teach us is the “normal” attraction between a man and a woman. Demisexual is similar to pansexual maybe…but I’m unsure why this term is typically excluded from regular discussion. I guess it is sort of abstract but there you have it. That is me. It feels good to get it out there.

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